The story of my conversion goes back to 2013. Before this time I had lived a life of a so-called Sunday Christian. I used to go to church on Sundays but if I was tired after a Saturday night party it was more comfortable for me to stay in bed and relax on Sunday mornings. My mum used to tell me: "My dear daughter, please go to church on Sundays. " Sometimes I listened to her, sometimes I did not.
The background: I grew up in a small village in the Hungarian countryside. My parents weren't rich but they tried their best to give me and my brother what they'd thought we might have needed. Despite their best efforts, I felt that I had not received the love I had been longing for. I felt the lack of warm hugs, unconditional love, trust and the feeling that I was loved just the way I was. My parents used to quarrel a lot. I started to feel guilty because
of the constant debates. Every month there were a few days when my dad drank a lot of alcohol. When my friends came over I felt ashamed that they had to see my dad drunk. My self-esteem was reduced by all these bad experiences. The fear of not being loved appeared in my heart and I was suffering from the compulsion for conformity to get love.
After graduation from college, at the age of 22, I moved to another town and started my adult life which I had always been waiting for thinking that everything would be much easier in the world of adults. I kind of escaped from the home of angry arguments.
As a young woman, I was really eager for love and I tried to find it in relationships with men. I fell in love and I thought I had found what I needed. The man left me and I felt disappointed.
Another man came. No respect, no real emotions only sexual relationship which I thought was the thing I needed. Another disappointment. Years went by. Later on, I moved to the capital city hoping that my life would change a lot as there were many more opportunities
for everything such as finding a good job, meeting the man of my life, taking part in cultural programs, going out... etc.
Meanwhile, I was looking for God...... but in the wrong places. I started to consult with an astrologer. I'd done mind control courses twice. I took part in meditation sessions led by people who were the followers of the Indian guru called Sathya Sai Baba. I took up yoga. I visited "spiritual" healers. I tried kinesiology, tarot cards, pranic healing.... so many things by which I called bad spirits into my life although I wasn't aware of it. In addition, I believed in reincarnation. When a Christian friend came to me saying that this was a wrong philosophy and I should follow Jesus I only laughed at her responding that my belief was the one and only perfect way of believing in God. My soul was in darkness and I just did not know about it. :(
I was involved in esotericism for 8 years. I couldn' t find happiness and peace. I wasn't honest with myself. I was living in a fake world believing that everything was just nice and happy but it was not. Small car accidents happened to me. There were other signs too showing that I wasn't on the right path. When something unexpected happened. It was around Christmas time in 2013. I spent the holiday with my parents and brother. There was a special DVD with the teachings of Fr. Zacharias. My Mum had taken part in Father's program previously and had bought this DVD. She told me to watch it. At first I didn't want to but as she started watching it I joined her. I could hardly stop watching the preachings. Something made me stay there and listen to the teachings. By the end, I asked my mum who this priest was and when he was coming here next time.
"Next May."- she answered. I was so excited about hearing her answer. 'It's a long time until then.' - I thought.
So I could hardly wait for the next year to come when Father Zacharias arrived here to hold a 3-day retreat in our place. I didn't have any idea why I was waiting for this program so much. In the church, I wanted to sit in the front. I wanted to be near. I did not want to miss any part of the retreat. My soul was eager for something but I did not know what it was.
Later I realized that it was JESUS and the Holy Spirit whom I'd been waiting for so long. The Lord told me: 'Come home, my dear daughter.'
During the retreat, I felt "wrapped around" by God's love freed from fears and the darkness in my soul. I thought: If the world ended here and now, I would not care because I'm with God, I'm in His eternal love. No one can hurt me nothing bad can happen to me. This experience was so amazing and is quite difficult to describe.
After the retreat, I felt in Heaven. I was really happy and lifted up. Something started to change in my life. The gate of a new world had been opened in front of me. The world of real faith. The faith in Jesus Christ, my Lord, my Saviour. So I received the most precious and wonderful gift of my life. The gift of faith in Jesus Christ.
"Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit." /1 Cor 12,7-9
In the following months, my repentance started. I had spent hours and hours at home in prayer, weeping over my sins. The Holy Spirit gradually showed me my sins and I begged Jesus to forgive me for not loving and following Him. Before my conversion, I hadn't been able to say loudly the name of Jesus or Mother Mary. I was under the control of bad spirits without knowing it. I apologized for it too from the Lord and Mother Mary.
My spiritual journey in real Christian faith started at Father's retreat. I've been on the 'path' since then exploring the wonderful ways and miracles of the Lord who has been healing my inner wounds and giving me so much love through people since then. I can feel the power of the Holy Spirit in my every day life. I wouldnât be able to bear the struggles or tribulations in my life without the power of God. For instance, unexpectedly I lost mum my 3 years ago. I was like Job in the midst of his sufferings. I felt that I had no power to live my everyday life but Jesus showed me His love through my prayer mates who were supporting me that time a lot. Since then Iâve been talking to the Lord every day in prayers and trying to surrender myself to Him to lead me in the right way in the labyrints of this life.
Ever since Iâve been involved in organizational work in the community of my home place. We organize programs for people who are searching for God.
I'm so thankful for the Lord, Jesus Christ and his faithful servant Fr. Zacharias whose prayers helped me to be delivered. Also for my mum who has prayed for me so much.
Praise be to the Lord.
E.V.
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